Sassy Pants

I'm a Wilson girl, and if you know the Wilson girls, they're sassy. I am no exception. Except, I'm the worst kind of sassy. I feel bad about being sassy. No one will ever get the best of me, but after I rip them apart and make sure there is no dignity or happiness left in their world, I feel like complete dirt.

I got super sassy at Seven Peaks yesterday.

We left the park at approximately 4:45. As we are walking to our car, we see Josh's sister, Brittany. She is just arriving for the day. Since we JUST left, I figured they'd let us back in, no problem.

HUGE problem.
I wonder if I could have stopped time right then, like in the movies, and looked forward in the future, if I would have turned back. Probably not, because I'm a complete spit-fire I and love a good fight with management. If anything I would have prepped my argument better and would have been even more impressive.

We went to the gate, and this beefy human said we couldn't get back in. I tried to keep my cool, but after 2 or 3 STRONG implications that I was lying, I went sort of Ape s***.
You can't come back in. You don't have a hand stamp.
THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME A HAND STAMP!
you don't have a ticket.
THEY THREW MY TICKET AWAY WHEN I WENT IN 5 HOURS AGO!
We have a policy (jibberish jibberish jibberish jibberish) to be total jerks to our customers
TALK TO ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING FOR ONE SECOND.
We have a Policy, policy, policy, policy, POLICY POLLLLLLICYYYY

In total, there five S-words, and 2 B-words thrown out, and one final confrontation where he stood in front of me and barricaded my way into the park. I was trying to leave, but he thought I was making a run for it.
WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO TACKLE ME??! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Eric Buttface Jacobs, ma'am and I'm the head manager....
WHATEVER I'M TELLING YOUR BOSS ABOUT THIS

*Storm out in complete head splitting anger.

I went home and wrote a novel to send to his boss. Then, my personality split and I started bawling.

I FEEL SO BAD JOSH!
It's ok baby
ERIC PROBABLY HAS A WIFE AND A KID AND HE'S GONNA TELL THEM ALL ABOUT THE CRAZY LADY WHO FREAKED OUT AT HIM TODAY!!!
He was being mean, Kris, it's not totally your fault
I'M THE WORST HUMAN BEING EVER!
CRYING CRYING CRYING CRYING

I thought seriously about going down to Seven Peaks and apologizing face to face, but I worried there was a warrant out for my arrest and that I'd get capped by Eric before I even got a word in edgewise.
So if you're out there Eric:
You were mean, and I still think I was right.
But I shouldn't have called your "policies" the S-word
And asked you how you slept at night
And called you a moron
And contemplated egging your house
When we meet again in real life don't call me a liar
And I won't think seriously about kicking you in the balls

I'm a 22 year old with a temper that resembles a 5 year old, but a conscience that is growing older by the day. Kind of a bad combo, but Josh loves me.
Thank goodness for that.

It's a little scary

When your husband goes to work and you're getting dressed by yourself and your arm gets caught in your dress and you can't get it out and you think I love this dress but maybe I should just grab those scissors and cut my way out of it, and you start getting all claustrophobic and sweaty and the fight or flight response kicks in and your pupils dilate and your heart rate races and your breathing is heavy and you are twisting and fighting and thoughts go through your head like

Will I be like this forever?
Is there any hope?
Holy S*** I'm going to die like this

And just then your writhing, contorted hand breaks free and you know that all is well in the world again.

Ok, now, which shoes should I wear with this?....

Pinterest gives me unreal expectations about what my iPhone cupcakes should look like

Meet Brad.
Lover of his iPhone. In the Anderson rankings it would easily beat all the children for most loved. His birthday was last week so Brittany and I decided to try and hone in on that love and maybe have it transferred to us by association.

Pinterest (if you don't know what this is, don't google it. It will take away your life with no remorse) gave us the template:

and after toiling into the night we came out with this:

little greasy, but pretty good, wouldn't you say? Even if you wouldn't say I would say.
This photo set doesn't include me cursing heaven for starting another craft project that was way over my head and begging Brittany to stop,  nor the inch thick layer of crisco and marshmallows and powdered sugar and human sweat and tears that coated the Lewis's countertops afterward.

All's well that ends well.

brad pretending the iPhone was real! How silly!

The first month

I love you because 

you make me belly laugh at least once every day

you want to beat me up when I do something too cute

you are completely out of it when you wake up in the morning

and you text me pictures like this when I'm having a bad day

YTB baby. YTB*.

*"you're the best" copyright Josh